It's been a tough couple of days. My body has apparently decided that sleep is off the menu. I haven't managed to fall asleep before 4am since Sunday night. Morning. Whatever.
Which really isn't so far out there for me. I'm mostly up all night these days. The problem has been that I had places to be on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Tuesday I had a massage appointment, Wednesday my cousin and her 3 kids spent the day with us, and Thursday we drove down to my SIL's parents' house (an hour and a half away) for Thanksgiving.
I don't do well with changes in my routine. I *really* don't do well with noise and commotion and crowds. And I *especially* don't deal well with stacking those things together for several days in a row and then asking my body to do it on about 2 hours of sleep a night. I feel like I was run over by a bus. And then the bus backed up and ran over me again. My whole body hurts, and my legs are so weak that I feel wobbly when I try to stagger to the bathroom or, god forbid, across the house to the kitchen.
So the only thing I will be Occupying is my bed. It's not like I was planning to go out into the mayhem that is Black Friday, anyway. At three o'clock in the afternoon I'm probably safe from being knocked over in a stampede and trampled to death or crushed into jelly against locked store doors by a deal-maddened crowd. But there are still all those people out there, with all those germs. No, thank you.
I will lay in bed and eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and read. Maybe in a little bit I'll watch some TV. That's about as Black as I can handle.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Hello World
The last couple of weeks have been unhappy ones in the m/m (male/male) romance community. Frankly, I haven't had the stomach, or the heart, to follow it all. What it boils down to is that a male author was "outed" as being female. The author then said, "actually, I'm transgendered." And then it all got dicey.
Some people were livid that this author had been "lying" to them, and didn't feel they could believe the transgender claim. Other transgendered authors were frightened by the public exposure, and horrified by the demands that other "women" writing in the genre declare themselves. The charge of lying was particularly hurtful to the trans community, since the identity of a transgendered person hangs on who they know themselves to be, and how they choose to present themselves to others, not necessarily what's between their legs. The whole thing was complicated by the fact that the author in question most definitely did lie by using a male model friend's picture as his author photo and even sending this friend out once to do a signing as the author. (And there was some other fishy stuff that I'm not really clear on.)
A hell of a mess, huh?
The ignorance and transphobia revealed by the whole situation has been enlightening, and not in a good way. The m/m romance community has always seen itself as being a welcoming, accepting place. Suddenly the transgendered and genderqueer members are feeling attacked, and a lot of other people are offended and confused by the charges of bigotry. The whole thing makes my heart hurt.
Other than a general dislike of bigotry in all shapes, why is this kerfluffle so upsetting to me? Because I am genderqueer.
You hear a lot of gay people say, "I've always known I was gay." For me, this is the same. I've always known I was genderqueer. I just never had a name for it until this summer.
Let me back up a minute and explain what this all means. There are a lot of different ways to define genderqueer. For me, it means that I don't think of myself as being a woman. I don't particularly think of myself as a man, either, and I have no desire to have gender reassignment surgery to become one. I am just... me. An individual floating somewhere in the middle, taking whatever I want from both traditionally male and traditionally female identities.
I discovered the term this past summer, and had about 5 minutes worth of panic over the whole thing. Oh, no! I'm genderqueer! What am I going to do? Then I settled down and realized, hello, dumbass. You're going to keep going just like you always have. Because while I may suddenly have had a word for what I've always felt, that didn't mean anything was going to change. I've always interacted with the world as a genderqueer person. I've never tried to pretend that I was anything other than who I am. Acknowledging the label doesn't make me any more or less than I've always been.
I know that I'm very lucky in this. For some people, acknowledging their trans or genderqueer identity means big changes. Or painful hiding in a public identity that doesn't match their inner reality. I could go along for the rest of my life and never say a word. Just "pass" as cisgendered (another nifty word I learned this summer which means that your identity/behavior matches your sex). Let the world make their assumptions and skate on by.
But after seeing all the hurt and anger of the last few weeks, I felt like I needed to say something. Maybe if people know someone who is different, they won't be so quick to judge. Maybe they won't be so quick to fear or hate, because there's already one perfectly ordinary genderqueer person in their life, even if it's only their online/blogging life. So here it is:
I'm genderqueer. I'm not lying. I'm exactly who I've always been-- I just never before had the courage or felt the need to throw that label out there. I'm perfectly normal. And my transgendered and genderqueer brothers, sisters, and others are just as deserving of respect as our cisgendered brethren. We're all just folks. So let's approach each other with a little more love, OK?
Some people were livid that this author had been "lying" to them, and didn't feel they could believe the transgender claim. Other transgendered authors were frightened by the public exposure, and horrified by the demands that other "women" writing in the genre declare themselves. The charge of lying was particularly hurtful to the trans community, since the identity of a transgendered person hangs on who they know themselves to be, and how they choose to present themselves to others, not necessarily what's between their legs. The whole thing was complicated by the fact that the author in question most definitely did lie by using a male model friend's picture as his author photo and even sending this friend out once to do a signing as the author. (And there was some other fishy stuff that I'm not really clear on.)
A hell of a mess, huh?
The ignorance and transphobia revealed by the whole situation has been enlightening, and not in a good way. The m/m romance community has always seen itself as being a welcoming, accepting place. Suddenly the transgendered and genderqueer members are feeling attacked, and a lot of other people are offended and confused by the charges of bigotry. The whole thing makes my heart hurt.
Other than a general dislike of bigotry in all shapes, why is this kerfluffle so upsetting to me? Because I am genderqueer.
You hear a lot of gay people say, "I've always known I was gay." For me, this is the same. I've always known I was genderqueer. I just never had a name for it until this summer.
Let me back up a minute and explain what this all means. There are a lot of different ways to define genderqueer. For me, it means that I don't think of myself as being a woman. I don't particularly think of myself as a man, either, and I have no desire to have gender reassignment surgery to become one. I am just... me. An individual floating somewhere in the middle, taking whatever I want from both traditionally male and traditionally female identities.
I discovered the term this past summer, and had about 5 minutes worth of panic over the whole thing. Oh, no! I'm genderqueer! What am I going to do? Then I settled down and realized, hello, dumbass. You're going to keep going just like you always have. Because while I may suddenly have had a word for what I've always felt, that didn't mean anything was going to change. I've always interacted with the world as a genderqueer person. I've never tried to pretend that I was anything other than who I am. Acknowledging the label doesn't make me any more or less than I've always been.
I know that I'm very lucky in this. For some people, acknowledging their trans or genderqueer identity means big changes. Or painful hiding in a public identity that doesn't match their inner reality. I could go along for the rest of my life and never say a word. Just "pass" as cisgendered (another nifty word I learned this summer which means that your identity/behavior matches your sex). Let the world make their assumptions and skate on by.
But after seeing all the hurt and anger of the last few weeks, I felt like I needed to say something. Maybe if people know someone who is different, they won't be so quick to judge. Maybe they won't be so quick to fear or hate, because there's already one perfectly ordinary genderqueer person in their life, even if it's only their online/blogging life. So here it is:
I'm genderqueer. I'm not lying. I'm exactly who I've always been-- I just never before had the courage or felt the need to throw that label out there. I'm perfectly normal. And my transgendered and genderqueer brothers, sisters, and others are just as deserving of respect as our cisgendered brethren. We're all just folks. So let's approach each other with a little more love, OK?
Thursday, November 3, 2011
In Which Our Heroine Forgets to Read Her Own Blog Post
I made a little bit of progress on the NaNo story today. 85 words. Which is really only about two paragraphs. So it's minimal progress. But I'll take what I can get.
Last night I went to bed with two characters in my head-- Ethan and Harry. I don't really know anything about these guys yet, but I figure if I stick with it I'll get to know them this month. And then I woke up this morning with two paragraphs in my head about Mark and his bowel habits. Who Mark is, what his relationship to Ethan and Harry is, and why he (or I) think anyone cares about his bowel habits is completely beyond me. But I'm going with it. hur.
I think, and I could be totally wrong here but it seems about right, that Mark is a bit of a Sheldonesque character. (From The Big Bang Theory) And I think that Ethan and Harry come in and disrupt his life in ways large and small. In fact, I think Ethan and Harry are sort of modern day Gandalfs, and Mark is Bilbo, and the story is going to end up being a riff on The Hobbit. Ethan and Harry drag Mark along with them on a Big Gay Adventure.
Hmm. Ideas are churning. This is good. I'm supposed to be getting ready for my mom's Mary Kay Holiday Open House that starts on Friday (I have a few hand knit things that I'm putting out), but I may spend the day putting together a collage and soundtrack instead. If I'm lucky I may even add another 85 words to my story. At this rate I should hit the 50,000 word mark on June 13, 2013.
In goofy news, I was very proud of a new In Which statement that I came up with this morning, and I mentioned it in a comment on the last post. And then I went back and re-read the post and discovered that I'd put it in the body of the post when I wrote it yesterday, and then promptly forgot it. Because that is how my brain works. (Julie's smooth brain has nothin' on me.)
So that's my progress so far. And now, I think my sleeping pill is finally kicking in, so I'm going to post this and then go to bed.
'Night All!
Last night I went to bed with two characters in my head-- Ethan and Harry. I don't really know anything about these guys yet, but I figure if I stick with it I'll get to know them this month. And then I woke up this morning with two paragraphs in my head about Mark and his bowel habits. Who Mark is, what his relationship to Ethan and Harry is, and why he (or I) think anyone cares about his bowel habits is completely beyond me. But I'm going with it. hur.
I think, and I could be totally wrong here but it seems about right, that Mark is a bit of a Sheldonesque character. (From The Big Bang Theory) And I think that Ethan and Harry come in and disrupt his life in ways large and small. In fact, I think Ethan and Harry are sort of modern day Gandalfs, and Mark is Bilbo, and the story is going to end up being a riff on The Hobbit. Ethan and Harry drag Mark along with them on a Big Gay Adventure.
Hmm. Ideas are churning. This is good. I'm supposed to be getting ready for my mom's Mary Kay Holiday Open House that starts on Friday (I have a few hand knit things that I'm putting out), but I may spend the day putting together a collage and soundtrack instead. If I'm lucky I may even add another 85 words to my story. At this rate I should hit the 50,000 word mark on June 13, 2013.
In goofy news, I was very proud of a new In Which statement that I came up with this morning, and I mentioned it in a comment on the last post. And then I went back and re-read the post and discovered that I'd put it in the body of the post when I wrote it yesterday, and then promptly forgot it. Because that is how my brain works. (Julie's smooth brain has nothin' on me.)
So that's my progress so far. And now, I think my sleeping pill is finally kicking in, so I'm going to post this and then go to bed.
'Night All!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
In Which a Plan Is Born
Just in case you've been living under a rock (or, you know, you don't run in the same writerly circles I do), it's NaNo time again. In honor of this annual event, I've changed my blog theme again. Isn't it nice? Much less shocking than the fall foliage.
So, we're over 24 hours into the grand event. How many words have I written? Nothing, nada, el zippo. Despite spending the last two months in Lani's writing classes, preparing for this moment, there is nothing in my head. (Totally not Lani's fault. The lack of firing synopses in my brain is my problem alone.) It's echoing in there like the inside of an empty 55 gallon drum.
But I did get an idea a few minutes ago. In fact, I shamelessly stole it from Deanna Raybourn and her blog. Every post starts with, "In Which". Examples from the last week are: "In which we were just talking about Nora", "In which this is just BIZARRE", "In which I am out and about", and "In which I'm leaving on the proverbial jet plane".
So, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to start every section with an "In Which". The first one will be, "In Which Our Two Heroes Meet". I have not the slightest idea who these fellows are or what they're going to do. But I like this "In Which" idea, so I'm going to run with it. Or, more realistically, waddle with it.
Next challenge: come up with enough "In Which" statements to keep me moving for the rest of the month. I have a few more off the top of my head:
In Which a Good Time Is Had By All
In Which Our Heroes Encounter a Problem
In Which Our Heroes Are In For a Bit of a Surprise
But I need a bunch more than that. If you've got any ideas for "In Which" statements, please share them in the comments. I'm hoping to have one for every day of writing, and that they'll help steer the story along, because right now I don't have a flipping clue.
Lip Balm of the Day: Shamrock Shake
So, we're over 24 hours into the grand event. How many words have I written? Nothing, nada, el zippo. Despite spending the last two months in Lani's writing classes, preparing for this moment, there is nothing in my head. (Totally not Lani's fault. The lack of firing synopses in my brain is my problem alone.) It's echoing in there like the inside of an empty 55 gallon drum.
But I did get an idea a few minutes ago. In fact, I shamelessly stole it from Deanna Raybourn and her blog. Every post starts with, "In Which". Examples from the last week are: "In which we were just talking about Nora", "In which this is just BIZARRE", "In which I am out and about", and "In which I'm leaving on the proverbial jet plane".
So, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to start every section with an "In Which". The first one will be, "In Which Our Two Heroes Meet". I have not the slightest idea who these fellows are or what they're going to do. But I like this "In Which" idea, so I'm going to run with it. Or, more realistically, waddle with it.
Next challenge: come up with enough "In Which" statements to keep me moving for the rest of the month. I have a few more off the top of my head:
In Which a Good Time Is Had By All
In Which Our Heroes Encounter a Problem
In Which Our Heroes Are In For a Bit of a Surprise
But I need a bunch more than that. If you've got any ideas for "In Which" statements, please share them in the comments. I'm hoping to have one for every day of writing, and that they'll help steer the story along, because right now I don't have a flipping clue.
Lip Balm of the Day: Shamrock Shake
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Halloween Pizza
Here in Indiana we have a take-and-bake pizza place called Papa Murphy's. An Irish pizza joint. This delights me. In the last few days they've been running ads for a special Jack-o-Lantern pizza.
Isn't that the goofiest thing ever? I love it. I'm going to push for a Jack-o-Pizza for dinner on Friday night. I know Halloween isn't Friday, but Friday is Pizza Night. I'm thinking this and one of the Ghostbusters movies that my brother lent us (he has both I and II on DVD, but who in their right mind wants to watch Ghostbusters II?) would make for a very satisfying Halloween celebration. Maybe with the Charlie Brown Halloween special while the pizza is baking. Because what's a holiday without a Charlie Brown special?
I may be about 25 years too old for trick-or-treating, but never let it be said that I don't know how to have a good time.
Lip Balm of the Day: Lavender Lemonade
Isn't that the goofiest thing ever? I love it. I'm going to push for a Jack-o-Pizza for dinner on Friday night. I know Halloween isn't Friday, but Friday is Pizza Night. I'm thinking this and one of the Ghostbusters movies that my brother lent us (he has both I and II on DVD, but who in their right mind wants to watch Ghostbusters II?) would make for a very satisfying Halloween celebration. Maybe with the Charlie Brown Halloween special while the pizza is baking. Because what's a holiday without a Charlie Brown special?
I may be about 25 years too old for trick-or-treating, but never let it be said that I don't know how to have a good time.
Lip Balm of the Day: Lavender Lemonade
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Any Techies Out There?
I'm seriously considering attending a couple of book conventions next year. (Scared as hell about whether I'll be able to manage it physically, and concerned about the cost, but still really thinking about it.) If I'm going to do this, I think that a portable way to tweet/text/email would be smart, to give me an easy way to catch up with people I know online. (You know, "I'm in the lobby, where are you?") Also, something that will take decent pictures. And if I could keep the phone/data charges down, that would be very, very good. Because I can't imagine myself using it much outside of trips like this.
Can anyone recommend a good device?
I was looking at the iPod touch, but I have some reservations. It looks like it operates on wifi and does not require a service contract, which is a major point in its favor. And, it works as an mp3 player, which is another major point in its favor. (My current mp3 player, which I love, is pretty well maxed out. If I'm going to add more music to my collection, I need something with more memory.) But being an Apple product, I also have some deep reservations. First of all, I generally find Apple products to be way over priced. Is there something that will give me more or less the same functions for less money? Am I tied to iTunes on this device, or can I download music from Amazon? Most of my music has been downloaded piecemeal, a song at a time from Amazon. I don't want to have to jump through hoops to put the music I've already purchased on my new mp3 player. Plus, I have never had a positive experience with iTunes, and I don't want to start beating my head against that wall now. Does the iPod touch take decent pictures? Are they easy to transfer to the computer so that I can blog them?
Probably, I have other questions, but those are the ones I can think of right now. Price, ease of use, access. Anyone have any experience with this device or recommendations for other devices that might suit my needs better?
Thanks, y'all.
Lip Balm of the Day: Peach Melba
Can anyone recommend a good device?
I was looking at the iPod touch, but I have some reservations. It looks like it operates on wifi and does not require a service contract, which is a major point in its favor. And, it works as an mp3 player, which is another major point in its favor. (My current mp3 player, which I love, is pretty well maxed out. If I'm going to add more music to my collection, I need something with more memory.) But being an Apple product, I also have some deep reservations. First of all, I generally find Apple products to be way over priced. Is there something that will give me more or less the same functions for less money? Am I tied to iTunes on this device, or can I download music from Amazon? Most of my music has been downloaded piecemeal, a song at a time from Amazon. I don't want to have to jump through hoops to put the music I've already purchased on my new mp3 player. Plus, I have never had a positive experience with iTunes, and I don't want to start beating my head against that wall now. Does the iPod touch take decent pictures? Are they easy to transfer to the computer so that I can blog them?
Probably, I have other questions, but those are the ones I can think of right now. Price, ease of use, access. Anyone have any experience with this device or recommendations for other devices that might suit my needs better?
Thanks, y'all.
Lip Balm of the Day: Peach Melba
Friday, October 21, 2011
New Look
The leaves have changed, and after almost a week of winds and some rain, a lot of them are off their trees and all over everyone's yards. We're supposed to dry up and warm up over the weekend, and I'm looking forward to it. We should have this kind of chilly weather for another month or two. I'm not prepared for it. (It takes a lot of mental preparation, doncha know.) And then it will get really cold.
I'm not 100% sold on this new look for the blog. But at least it's seasonal 'n stuff. It'll probably change again soon.
I'm not 100% sold on this new look for the blog. But at least it's seasonal 'n stuff. It'll probably change again soon.
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