What I've really knit here is a brand-new Christmas character: Flurry the Lard Ass. Put him on your kitchen table. Use his as a decoration on your holiday buffets. Let him be a reminder that you too could look like this if you don't put down the cheese ball RIGHT NOW.
I feel a little bad giving Flurry to my inlaws-once-removed. They're nice people, and I'm hoping they'll put it on a shelf somewhere where no one can see the rear view. I didn't intend to send them a fat assed snowman for Christmas. Sometimes things just work out that way.