Do you ever just feel like a nap?

I took a 3 hour nap one morning this week.  (When your life is one big sick day, you can do those sorts of things.)  It would be lovely to do it again today.  I had a hard time sleeping last night, and when that happens I know I'm going to hurt the next day.  And I do.

But here's the thing-- even those of us whose lives are one big sick day have to leave the house and do stuff occasionally.  On Monday I went to the doctor, and she filled out a bunch of paperwork to get some of my meds for free (hopefully) from the manufacturers.  Everything is all signed and ready to go; I just have to go somewhere to fax it.  We've had snow and bad weather for most of this week, plus I was recovering from Monday, so today is the first day we've had a chance to do it.

I just had a brainwave.  What if, instead of dragging myself out of the house every time I need to fax something (which is fairly regularly), I just BOUGHT A FAX MACHINE.  Between all my medical crap, and Dad's retirement crap, and Mom's Mary Kay crap, I think we can justify the expense.  I tell you what.  I may be a little slow on the uptake these days (shut up), but when inspiration strikes, it really strikes!

Anyway, back to the original topic of this post.  What was it again?  Um, I talked about napping....  I forget what my point was.  (I do this often, which is why there are many posts marked "draft" compared to what's actually posted.)

I'm going to the grocery store with Mom in a little bit.  I want to poke around and put things in the cart that I want.  Just asking for a particular brand of whatever isn't good enough.  Mom and Dad like to talk about when I was little, and I'd constantly say, "I do it myselpst!"  (That's "myself" for those who don't read 2 yr old.)  There's been surprisingly little change in that department in the last 34 years.  I hurt, and I'd really rather stay home in bed.  But the weather is supposed to turn foul again tomorrow, and this may be my last chance to go out for a few days.  And I want to do it myselpst.

I'm off to research fax machines now.  And then later, after I've had my excursion, I think I'll take a nap.

It's a Sign

This video cheered me up immensely.

 Also, the doctor's appointment went well.  Antibiotics, but no lancing for now.  I've named my abscess Farkle.  Anything that big really ought to have it's own name.

Off My Game

I'm feeling weepy and out of whack today.  Too much news, too much misery, not enough sleep.  Troubbie the Wonder Cat woke me up at quarter to six this morning wanting to be fed.  (Yes, he's still alive.)  I have a doctor's appointment this morning, and I have something I'm scared to show her.  Think it's an abscess that will need to be lanced, possibly requiring minor surgery and costing a million dollars.  The book I've been reading, The Awakening by L.J. Smith, is angsty and depressing.  Only 50 pages or so to left, and I don't want to go there today.

So what should I read?  I'm seriously considering breaking my self-imposed book buying moratorium and downloading a book for the Kindle.  What do you suggest?  Something happy happy, please.

The Accidental Altar

I was unpacking a box of tchotchkes a couple of weeks ago, and I ended up arranging my favorites on the only empty flat surface in my entire room-- my dresser.  It wasn't until a few days later that I realized that it's got the vibe of an altar.

Starting at the top left, there is a picture of my brother and sister-in-law.  (I fuzzed out their faces because I don't have their permission to post a picture of them on the internet.  As far as I know, they don't even know I have this blog.)  In the middle is Flower Annie, my Wee Peeple doll, made by the wonderful Kandra Niagra.  Isn't she beautiful?  I love Wee Peeple dolls.  They have such personality and energy.

Next to Annie is a drawing I made when I was about 10.  We'd just moved to Texas for the first time, and it was the Sesquicentennial.  (150 years of Texas statehood.)  I was the new Yankee girl, but they liked it so much that it was framed and posted in the hall at my middle school for years.  I'm not sure how my parents got a hold of it, but they put it on the wall in the yellow guest bedroom in Massachusetts (which was briefly my bedroom).  I think because the frame is yellow, so it matched the room.

Coming around the corner, there is a little pixie box I've had since I was a little girl.  It's sitting in a wooden bowl that my dad carved.  I'm not sure why it's sitting in the bowl, but when I took it out it didn't look right to me, so back in it went.  Next to the pixie box is a large shell I got once on a trip to the beach in Galveston.  The beach is kind of a special place to me.  (I'm a Scorpio.  That's a water sign, so I guess that makes sense.)    I always feel more relaxed at the beach.  Like I can exhale.  All my muscles unknot and I sleep better.  If I ever win the lottery I'm buying a house on the beach.

In front of the pixie box there's a crystal that I love.  When I did have an official altar I used it to represent the energy of the God.  There's also a pretty little shell that I found once walking on the beach.  In the bottom right corner is a little dish given to me by a friend.  She used to read cards at the Texas Renaissance Festival, and she used the dish as a tip jar.  I know you can't tell from the picture, but it has suns and moons and stars all around the edge.  In the dish is the fortune I got in my fortune cookie when we had Chinese food New Year's Eve.  It says, "A new romance is in the future."  I'd say that's pretty accurate, since a romance novel that I'd pre-ordered downloaded to my Kindle on January 1st.

Next to the bowl is a plastic canvas coaster I made for my parents.  Their living room in Massachusetts was painted barn red and tan, with black accents.  I made about a dozen of them in different quilt block designs, and I made that one, with a black cat on it, to represent my cat, Trouble.  Mom and Dad love him to bits, and Mom calls him her grandson, so I thought they'd like it.  I stole that one in Massachusetts so that I had something to put my sweating drinks on in my bedroom.  Somehow it never got put back with the rest of the coasters when we packed.

In the center, in front of Flower Annie, is a little frame that used to sit on my grandfather's nightstand.  On the left side there's a picture of my mom as a little girl in her Girl Scout uniform.  (You can't really see it because of the glare.)  We looked so much alike at that age, that I asked my granddad once when that picture was taken, because I didn't remember doing it.  I thought it was me.  There used to be a little picture of her brother, my Uncle George, tucked in there, too, but it slipped out.  It's probably still in the box the frame was packed in for the move.  I need to look around for it, because I don't want to lose it.  On the other side is a picture of my grandmother and grandfather.  I can see that picture from my bed, and it makes me happy to be able to look at them.

In front of the frame is my mascot, Super Becky.  When I was a freshman in college I went into a Hallmark store around Halloween, and I spotted these cute little miniatures.  My roommate and best friend is a huge fan of dragons, and I found a puppy in a dragon costume for her.  For me I found a bunny in a super hero costume, with a capital B on his chest.  I immediately knew his name was Super Becky.  (Don't ask me why Super Becky is male.  It makes no sense.  But it is what it is.)  I don't know how I managed to hang on to Super Becky for almost 20 years now without losing him.  As you can see, he's pretty small.  But I have.

Moving on to the left, there's a pretty little porcelain box that I got as a favor at a birthday party when I was in elementary school.  It's got a butterfly on top and my name written in liquid gold on the front.  I always thought it was the coolest thing.  Next to that there is an old-style Weeble Wobble.  I was at my grandparents house one day, and I decided to give it to Grandmom.  She was so touched that I gave her one of my toys that she kept it forever after on display in her china cabinet with all her other treasures.  I never had the heart to tell her that my 5 year-old self decided that he was the grumpy one, and I didn't want him any more.  It kind of makes me laugh now.  I still think of him as the grumpy one!

The stack of stones in the bottom left corner is something that my brother collected.  I'm not sure why I kept them (I found them on the bookshelf in my room in Massachusetts), but they seem to fit there.  Behind the stones is a little angel that Mom used to put out as a Christmas decoration in my room every year.  I loved to play with her.  One year I kept her, and she lived on a shelf in my apartment in Houston.

Behind the angel is another item that was always on display at my grandmother's house.  I think I mentioned a while back that she was a professional church soloist in Philadelphia.  As you may be able to tell from the little photo that lived on my grandfather's nightstand, Grandmom was also a sizable woman.  This figure looked so much like her that her coworkers gave it to her as a gift when she retired.  I love having this little piece of my grandmother on my dresser.

And the last figure is pretty well obscured by glare, but she is the little statue I used to represent Goddess on my altar.  Here is a site that has a picture of the collection she came from.  The name of the figure is Devotion, and she's just about exactly in the center of the page.  You may notice that the whole collection is a bit, um, Georgia O'Keefe, but I like them.  You can't see it, but there's another little shell at her feet.

And that is my accidental altar.  Little bits and pieces of family and history and places that are important to me.

2010 Book List

Every year since 2007 I've tracked my reading in my little red book.  That book is one of my prize possessions. It's a great resource when I want to give recommendations, or double check if I've read a book or not before buying or putting it on hold at the library.  Plus, it's fun to look back every once in a while and see what I've read.

I have a few rules for my list.  First, it has to be a while book.  If I only read a few chapters or a couple stories out of an anthology it doesn't count.  Also, only books I'm reading for the first time go on the list.  My regular re-reads of The Blue Castle or The Westing Game don't count.  Neither do all those Vorkosigan books that I'm re-reading before starting on the new one.  Without these rules my list would be much, much longer.  But the rules make me happy, and it's my list so what the hell.

Without further ado, my 2010 reading list:

1.  Home Is Where the Wine Is- Laurie Perry
2.  Shiver- Maggie Stiefvater
3.  Skin Trade- Laurell K. Hamilton
4.  Laced With Magic- Barbara Bretton
5.  The Convenient Marriage- Georgette Heyer
6.  The Magic Knot- Helen Scott Taylor
7.  Fired Up- Jayne Ann Krentz
8.  If He's Sinful- Hannah Howell
9.  Divine Misdemeanors- Laurell K. Hamilton
10.  Suite Scarlett- Maureen Johnson
11.  A Matter of Class- Mary Balogh
12.  My Sister the Vampire #1: Switched- Sienna Mercer
13.  Uneven- Anah Crow
14.  The Comeback Kiss- Lani Diane Rich
15.  Once Dead, Twice Shy- Kim Harrison
16.  The Reluctant Widow- Georgette Heyer
17.  Going Gray- Anne Kreamer
18.  The Rules of Gentility- Janet Mullany
19.  Ash- Malinda Lo
20.  Devil's Bride- Stephanie Laurens
21.  A Poisoned Season- Tasha Alexander
22.  Lord Braybrook's Penniless Bride- Elizabeth Rolls
23.  Alice I Have Been- Melanie Benjamin
24.  I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It- Adam Selzer
25.  The Abduction of Julia- Karen Hawkins
26.  In Milady's Chamber- Sheri Cobb South
27.  Mr Impossible- Loretta Chase
28.  The Truth About Lord Stoneville- Sabrina Jeffries
29.  A Rake's Vow- Stephanioe Laurens
30.  The Twelve Sacred Traditions of Magnificent Mothers-In-Law- Haywood Smith
31.  The Murder of King Tut- James Patterson
32.  Wild Ride- Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer
33.  Lessons in French- Laura Kinsale
34.  Bundle of Trouble- Diana Orgain
35.  Skinwalker- Faith Hunter
36.  Flirt- Laurell K. Hamilton
37.  Intertwined- Gena Showalter
38.  Beyond Heaving Bosoms- Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan
39.  A Touch of Dead- Charlaine Harris
40.  The Reckoning- Kelley Armstrong
41.  What the Librarian Did- Karina Bliss
42.  Last of the Ravens- Linda Winstead Jones
43.  Born of Night- Sherrilyn Kenyon
44.  Blue Diablo- Ann Aguirre
45.  Captive of Sin- Anna Campbell
46.  The Cinderella Deal- Jennifer Crusie
47.  Beautiful Creatures- Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl
48.  Instant Attraction- Jill Shalvis
49.  Scandal's Bride- Stephanie Laurens
50.  Mistress By Mistake- Maggie Robinson
51.  Blood Cross- Faith Hunter
52.  Darkfever- Karen Marie Moning
53.  Tales of the Otherworld- Kelley Armstrong
54.  The Dead Travel Fast- Deanna Raybourn
55.  The Girl Who Chased the Moon- Sarah Addison Allen
56.  Mistress of the Art of Death- Ariana Franklin
57.  Bloodfever- Karen Marie Moning
58.  Frostbitten- Kelley Armstrong
59.  Faefever- Karen Marie Moning
60.  Dreamfever- Karen Marie Moning
61.  Street Magic- Caitlin Kittredge
62.  The Englor Affair- J. L. Langley
63.  Exit Strategy- Kelley Armstrong
64.  St. Nacho's- Z. A. Maxfield
65.  Wild Heart- Lori Brighton
66.  Handyman- Claire Thompson
67.  Storm Born- Richelle Mead
68.  Exclusively Yours- Shannon Stacey
69.  Something About You- Julie James
70.  Stranded With a Spy- Merline Lovelace
71.  Rules Were Made to Be Broken- Lenore Black
72.  Demonfire- Kate Douglas
73.  What She Deserves- Ellie Marvel
74.  The Last Hellion- Loretta Chase
75.  Made to Be Broken- Kelley Armstrong
76.  The Vorkosigan Companion- Lilian Stewart Carl
77.  Zero at the Bone- Jane Seville
78.  Ten Things I Love About You- Julia Quinn
79.  Changes- Jim Butcher
80.  The Wicked House of Rohan- Anne Stuart
81.  Changeless- Gail Carriger
82.  The Madness of Lord Ian Mackenzie- Jennifer Ashley
83.  Heart's Sentinel- P.J. Schnyder
84.  Magic Bleeds- Ilona Andrews
85.  Sizzling Sixteen- Janet Evanovich
86.  Dark and Disorderly- Bernita Harris
87.  Maybe This Time- Jennifer Crusie
88.  Bullet- Laurell K. Hamilton
89.  Jungle Heat- Bonnie Dee
90.  Silver Borne- Patricia Briggs
91.  Alien Revealed- Lilly Cain
92.  Allegra Fairweather: Paranormal Investigator- Janni Nell
93.  Draw the Dark- Ilsa J. Bick
94.  What She Needs- Anne Calhoun
95.  Burning Up- Sarah Mayberry
96.  Last Night's Scandal- Loretta Chase
97.  Bayou Moon- Ilona Andrews
98.  Menage on a Train- Alice Gaines
99.  Tonight, My Love- Tracie Sommers
100.  Dark Road to Darjeeling- Deanna Raybourn
101.  Savage Sanctuary- Jacqueline Barbary
102.  Butterfly Tattoo- Deidre Knight
103.  Burning Lamp- Amanda Quick
104.  The Lion of Kent- Aleksandr Voinov and Kate Cotoner
105.  Hunger- Jackie Morse Kessler
106.  Dead in the Family- Charlaine Harris
107.  Motor City Fae- cindy Spencer Pape
108.  Penelope and Prince Charming- Jennifer Ashley
109.  Trust Me On This- Jennifer Crusie
110.  Twas the Night- Sandra Hill, Trish Jensen, Kate Holmes
111.  Nine Rules to Break When Romancing a Rake- Sarah MacLean
112. A Christmas to Die For- Marta Perry

That's it.  That's all she read.  I may knock off a little Doctor Who winter freebie while the house is quiet this afternoon.  If so, I'll come back and add it to the list.  If not, there's always next year!

Irresolute

It's New Year's Resolution time, and as Crusie would say, I got nothin'.  No specific goals.  Nothing special I want to do in the coming year.  Maybe I'm just tired.

Resolutions, ideally, should be a mixture of things we know we can do but just haven't done yet, and things we aren't sure we can do, but we're willing to try.  Right now I have many things that I don't even want to admit I want because it's just setting myself up for failure, and other things that I genuinely have no interest in.

For example, saying I want to write a book would be setting myself up for failure, because right now I barely have the attention span to finish a blog post, let alone a book.  I'm not going to resolve to lose weight, even though I really, really need to, because routine errands outside the house exhaust me.  The thought of doing the kind of exercise required for weight loss makes me want to roll over and go back to sleep.

So instead, there are a few things I'm going to try to do, when I think about it.  I'm going to turn off the computer and read more books, when I think about it.  I'm going to blog more, when I think about it.  I'm going to use the Wii to move a little more, when I think about it.  I'm going to try to be better about keeping up with friends, when I think about it.  I'm going to work on my beaded scarf and sock yarn blankie, when I think about it.  I'm going to put away some of the crap still lingering in the corners of my room from the move, when I think about it.  (You'd think that living with the boxes and suitcases 24/7 would keep this particular project in the front of my mind.  You'd be wrong.  Fibro fog has eaten my brain.)

That's about it, I guess.  If I can just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and maybe make a little bit of progress on the good days, I'll count 2011 as a success.  I guess that's pretty much the definition of success for everyone.  I just have to remember to keep adjusting my ideas of "progress" and "good days" so I can get there, too.

I Swear I'm Not Pregnant

I felt a little off this morning.  Not particularly hungry.  And then this afternoon I was making a batch of toffee for my mom, and all of the sudden I was so nauseous.  The smell of the butter cooking was just killing me.  I ended up pulling it off the heat about 20 degrees early and sitting down with a few pretzels and a ginger ale.  Once I settled down a bit I went back into the kitchen to finish up and raced right back out again.

While I'd been in the kitchen, Mom had been cleaning the bathrooms.  I didn't get more than two steps into the bathroom before the smell of bleach chased me back out again, trying not to retch.

I got a little something in me at dinner and went back to my room.  Mom wanted to make coleslaw for tomorrow night's dinner, and she was worried the vinegar would bother me.  When I came back out a couple hours later to decorate the Christmas tree, I didn't notice any vinegar smell at all.  But the cabbage smell was enough to gag a maggot.

I've got my period right now, and that always makes my Crohn's flare up a bit.  Nausea and other unpleasant digestive symptoms aren't exactly unusual.  But I've never had this sensitivity to smell before.  I hope it goes away overnight, because I can't imagine the next few days will be pleasant if I keep feeling this way.